A friend recently asked me what four or five things I’ve learned about leadership over my 40-year career that I wish someone had told me up front. That was easy to answer.

First, in just about any organization, 20% of your followers love what you do (on boards), 20% will never follow you no matter what (moaners), and 60% are trying to figure you out (unsure). So where do you spend your time? Too often we try to convert the 20% moaners, who complain, don’t perform, and distract others. Wrong. Encourage them to leave and find “success” elsewhere. Rather, put your energy and attention into winning the “unsure” 60% and celebrate the “on boards” 20%, who are already aligned with you. You’ll have a much better ROI, and you’ll sleep better too!

Second, listening is the most important leadership competency. It is the key to understanding and respecting others. There isn’t much you can do about your IQ. There’s a lot you can do to acquire the skill of listening. It’s hard work to really listen and well worth the effort. When you understand the what and why of someone’s idea or suggestion and confirm that understanding, you’re on your way to a relationship based on respect and trust. It is easy to mistake listening as a soft skill. “She’s a great listener,” is one of the highest compliments a leader can receive, and you don’t need a Ph.D. from Harvard to earn it.

Third, great leaders speak “offers, promises, and requests.” They speak possibility. They do not distract themselves or others with looking backward, not being accountable, or blaming others. Blame is the language of the weak. This is such a simple idea, and unfortunately many people in organizations bring “blame” to an art form.

Fourth, my apology to the original author whose name is unknown, but this quote is important:  “A company without money can borrow it; a company without leadership is bankrupt.” Leadership is not only about hierarchy. Leaders exist throughout an organization. Successful organizations understand this reality and celebrate creativity and empathy from wherever.

Finally, my French friends taught me to “prendre du recul.” It is a concept suggesting that, in times of confusion or crisis, one should take distance, step back, and look at the circumstances with some perspective. Rather than make yourself crazy with worry, often over things you don’t control, step back. It is important to take time to think and reflect, then act. I like the way it sounds in French as well!

There are volumes upon volumes of books on the topic of leadership. If you search the term “leadership” in Amazon books, you get 66, 808 choices! My favorite is Robert Fulghum’s All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. This little book is simply loaded with common sense and memorable insights on leadership and human behavior. Even my Ph.D. friends can understand it! As described in the San Francisco Chronicle, Fulghum’s stories about ordinary life “remind us that within simplicity lies the sublime.” The phrase “Be aware of wonder” still makes me smile.